How I Met My Dream Woman

***Warning- this story contains sappy, cheesy elements mixed with loads of the dramatic. You were warned.

Christi and I have a rather unique story of how we connected. We both attended Union University. She was one grade ahead of me but I knew who she was. Who didn’t know Christi Byrd! She was friends with everyone. She was the Baptist Student Union President and she was Homecoming Queen at Union. Not only did she love Jesus, she was gorgeous. She was godly and beautiful, a perfect mix.

Christi and I were acquaintances at best. I taught a Greek lab (that’s Greek not Geek), where students practiced their Greek vocabulary words. She was in the Greek lab I taught. We also had a few classes together but never really spoke besides a quick hello. I had my own friends and dated a few girls throughout the college years but was always frustrated with the dating scene. It felt so foolish to me. I always felt like a child playing grown up. I mean I had no real clue about love and commitment and neither did they.

With the influence of my youth pastor and my own frustrations, my junior year of college I pushed dating aside. Now I am not saying girls all across campus wept in grief that I was no longer available. I mean I could get a date. The ratio was 4 girls to 1 at Union so every guy had a chance! I just didn’t want to go the dating approach anymore to find the one. I was ready for something more supernatural.

I remember clearly praying to the Lord that I was sick of the effort of dating to find the one. I was 20 years old and I was ready to be single as long as the Lord willed it. I was determined that if I were going to get married, He would need to intervene. Did I want to get married? Absolutely! I just became convinced through my own trial and error that I would probably make the wrong draft pick out of all the potential prospects. I was the Cleveland Browns of dating!

So for a little over a year I stuck to my commitment. I focused on the Lord and enjoyed the mess out of my junior year. Sure My friends worried that I was going to become a monk with my no dating plan and though she has never admitted it, I think my mom worried I had quit liking girls if you know what I mean. Come on mom! That definitely was not the case. I just couldn’t do the games anymore.

In March of 1996 I applied to work as a support staff for the summer for Centrifuge camp. I applied to be the Resident Assistant at the dorms on Union’s campus. It was an extremely competitive job to get and when the list of the thirty or so students who were chosen was published I was on it. I was pumped! I came back to my dorm room and ran into Robert Grisham. Robert and I had been friends since high school and had roomed together a couple of times. I showed him the list and he stopped on a name and said, “Christi Byrd.” I knew who she was as I mentioned above and asked what he was meaning. In a very matter of fact way Robert proceeded to tell me that he thought her and I would get together and I would marry her. It’s like my roommate told me I would be going out to buy a lottery ticket and would win the jackpot. Yeah right! I am pretty sure I told him he had lost his mind.

Summer came and our first day of work we were split up in pairs to do towel laundry. Guess who I got paired up with: Christi Byrd. Now as romantic as doing towel laundry can be, nothing really magical happened that day but we did get to talk. I didn’t think much of it besides what my crazy roommate had told me a month back! As the days went on Christi and I found ourselves in the same spaces more and more. I came up with a brilliant idea for us to study Greek together to get ready for the coming semester. When I told Nathan Joyce, my other roommate, about it he had a field day with the info. He would ask me constantly, “how is studying Christi, I mean Greek, going??”

I enjoyed our time studying together to say the least. The summer was about half way over and by this time my mind was racing. I had Christi on the brain 24/7. We were barely friends and I had no idea what she thought about me. I would have been content to just keep my growing attraction quiet until the night we played Speed.

Speed is a card game you play where you try and get as many cards as you can by having the higher number when you both flipped a card. It goes really fast and you have to pay careful attention. A lot of us were playing in the commons area (we couldn’t go to each other’s rooms because we weren’t allowed to have girls in the room) and Christi and I found ourselves matched up to play. We played and I don’t remember who won but what I do remember was the jolt of lightning that happened when our hands touched while picking up the cards. I know what you are thinking right now. “Dax that’s called static and it happens all the time!” No this was so much different. That hurts! This was like a jolt of lightning that hit us both and it felt magical. I could tell she felt it too. It was a powerful energy that hit me as I touched her soft, inviting hand. It confirmed everything for me in that moment. I knew she was the one or at least I knew I wanted her to be the one. Now how to convince her to say the same about me!

I went home that night in a daze. I had met the girl of my dreams and touching her was like holding on to electricity. I decided that night that I would ask her out. I would break my dating fast because this one could be the one! A few days later I finally saw an opportunity but what I did was nothing like I had planned.

It was a Friday night and our shifts for work at the camp were over. Christi was a lifeguard and she was walking back from the pool and I had just finished playing ping pong with some of the Fuge campers. I saw an opportunity to walk with her and decided this was the moment I would ask her out. We talked all the way back to the common area and sat down and continued to talk. I was getting up the nerve and I finally decided to reveal my feelings.

I saw a moment in the conversation and I took it. Here is how I planned it:

“Christi, it has been fun getting to know you this summer and if you wanted to we should go grab lunch sometime.”

What I actually said:

“Christi, you are going to be my wife. I love you.”

What in the world did I do! It just came out. I knew I had hoped it but I didn’t mean to say it out loud yet! Nothing i could do now. It was out there. Christi just stared at me. She didn’t say anything! I was convinced that I had completely scared her away! When she finally spoke she said: “I absolutely believe the same thing. You will be my husband. I am in love with you too.” It was a joyous moment. I didn’t do a dance but my heart lept and my dreams were being realized in that moment. We had never been out and already proposed our desire to marry each other. No games in this for sure!

Two weeks later we went to Nathan’s wedding. It was at that wedding we began to talk seriously about wedding plans. All this before our first date. When we got back we left to go home for a few weeks before fall semester started. We talked on the phone some but we didn’t see each other being three hours away from each other.

When school started back I couldn’t wait to see Christi. The second week of school Christi spoke for a BSU worship night and I was to do the closing prayer. When I went up there I asked her to come back up. I dropped to a knee, pulled out a ring, and proposed to the girl of my dreams in front of those 300 people. The question I got all that night was: “I didn’t even know you two were dating!” We weren’t! We didn’t go on our first date until after we were engaged! Five months later I married Christi and we have now been married 21 years and counting. She is still the girl of my dreams and God gave her to me! I asked him to provide and He knocked it out of the park! Thank you Lord for bringing us together.

Ten Signs Your Wife Is Amazing


I am married to a woman who has these qualities and I praise God for her. She would say she is not perfect and she might be right but she is perfect to me! Here are ten qualities that make an amazing wife in my opinion:

1) She loves the Lord with all her heart, mind, soul, and strength.

2) She loves you unconditionally even though she knows all your faults.

3) She knows when to let things go and doesn’t hold grudges.

4) She is selfless, often neglecting her own needs to meet the needs of her family.

5) She loves your family and friends and works hard to get along with them.

6) She is patient with you and with the kids.

7) She was willing to get peed, pooped, and thrown up on without ever flinching.

8) She takes time to encourage and inspire you to be your best.

9) She promotes moral excellence in herself, you, and your children.

10) She is self-aware, realizing her weaknesses and admitting to them in order to grow.

Five Things Every Christian Parent Should Ponder

1) God has given you charge over not only their bodies, but also their souls.

Deuteronomy 6:5-7 implores us as parents to guide our children into spiritual truth. If you leave this to the “experts” at church, they may begin to see their faith as a Sunday thing and not something lived out during the week. After all, if parents don’t talk about “God-things” with them during the week, they won’t see it as important for their daily lives either.

2) Model for your children how a wife and husband should treat one another. 

My kids “gross” out when Christi and I show any PDA. You would think we were putting hot coals in their eyeballs! Yet, I know that behind their disgust are happy children who feel safe and secure having a mother and father who love each other. A young man needs to see how to treat a woman by the way his daddy treats his mom. A young woman needs to know how to respect and love a man by the way her mom respects and loves her dad. I hope my daughter will want to marry a guy one day who treats her like I try to treat Christi. There is a good chance that will be her standard and expectation.

3) Don’t just focus on their behavior, but focus on their hearts. 

Our goal as parents is not just to get our kids to act right in public. It’s not even to get them to act right at home. We want to go deeper with them. God desires for us to show them the importance of right motive behind their actions. Why do they do what they do? How does the Gospel motivate their thoughts and behaviors? If we just drill into our kids the need to do right things without teaching them the importance of proper motive then, at best, we make them legalists — at worst, hypocrites.

4) Train your children to be measured by grace and not by their performance.

In Exodus 34, God reversed Himself to His people as a God who is compassionate and slow to anger. Yet, God also punished the wicked. His approach is balanced between grace and discipline. Your children need to see you love them for who they are and not what they do. Our kids don’t need to feel we care for them less if they don’t “perform” properly. We give them grace not because they deserve it, but because God has given grace to us. If our kids think we care more for them when they are less of a bother to us then we teach them their value is earned. This flies in the face of what the Gospel teaches.

5) Teach your children to be sensitive to the effects of sin and not desensitized to them.

Everywhere we turn our eyes are filled with immorality. Whether it be commercials, shows, Internet, news, magazines, or billboards, we are inundated with sex, violence, and all kinds of debauchery. Unless we are extremely intentional, we will become desensitized to the effects of these images on our souls. The effect on our children should scare us. If our children become desensitized then sin will become commonplace, and they will live lives of compromise and justification. This is an epidemic in our world today.

5 Things to Never Say To Your Wife

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Wisdom means knowing when to say something but also knowing when to keep your mouth shut. For those who are married or in a dating relationship, you learn quickly that there are some things that shouldn’t be said. When they are spoken it can get ugly quickly. Here are five things I have learned through my own school of hard knocks not to say to my wife. Maybe they will help you learn quicker than i did. These are in no particular order. They all are equally  foolish!

 

Why can’t you be more like…

Now it really doesn’t matter who you finish a sentence like that with. Comparing your wife to anyone will be all but disastrous for you. You might pay for it for years and years. Comparisons are a bad idea! Heed my advice here. Your very life may be at stake.

Stop being so sensitive.

Being that you are most likely the reason your wife is agitated at this moment makes this statement even more dangerous. If you want to have the exact opposite effect of what you were hoping, utter these four words. I promise you that your wife will not say “Honey, you know you are right. Forget I said anything. I am being foolish. Want me to make you a sandwich while you rest and watch TV?”

Yes, you do look fat in that.

If you need my advice here of why this is a mistake then go ahead and consider yourself a hopeless case and pray that your wife is the most gracious person, besides Christ, to ever live.

You’re starting to remind me of your mother.

Mother In Laws are great (Mine reads my blog so I am using discernment here). But I assure you that your wife does not want to be compared to her. If you have said it I feel confident you did not mean it in that moment as a compliment. Sure you meant; “Dear, you are beginning to remind me of your mother. Your cooking is getting amazing and your beauty continues to increase!”

What’s wrong now?

Perception is reality. You might have the best intentions with this question but let me interpret for you in terms you will understand how your wife hears it, “Woman when are you going to stop breaking down and I have to come and fix you over and over again. I have better things to do.” I will repeat myself here that this will not go over well for you. If you communicate to your wife that she is a burden then she might very well show you how much she can make this a reality for you.

 

I recommend striking these five statements from your vocabulary to never be uttered again. Your world will be a much happier place if you do.

 

Dax

 

 

                Only You Christi


Beautiful is what I remember first about you

Both Inside and Out is how I define you


Godly is what I came to respect most about you

Using it to help Sanctify my own soul anew  

Being Mine is what I cherish most about you

Promising till last breath that will ever be true


Growing old together I long to do with you

Until the blessed day Christ calls our lives due

TOP 5 MARRIAGE BOOKS TO FIGHT COMPLACENCY

 

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LOVE INTENTIONALLY

 

MY TOP 5 MARRIAGE BOOKS TO FIGHT COMPLACENCY

Marriage is organic. It is either growing or dying. A stagnant marriage doesn’t mean it is really staying the same. If not intentional you run the risk of your marriage slowly decaying until you look back and wonder what happened. With Valentine’s Day around the corner it is a great time to get intentional about growing in your relationship. Don’t become complacent!

 

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WHAT IF GOD DESIGNED MARRIAGE TO MAKE US HOLY MORE THAN HAPPY? Often our expectations of our spouse to meet our needs is unrealistic. They are not to be our ultimate provider. This book is for any couple serious about putting God first in their marriage. It will challenge you to grow both in your faith and in your marriage.

 

 

 

 

 

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THIS IS A GREAT BOOK ON COMMUNICATION. Understanding your spouse will result in you being more connected. Understanding your spouses ‘love language” will help you maximize your efforts in communicating your love to them. This is a must read for every Christian marriage. Will open your eyes to how your spouse ticks and what you need to do to wind them up.

 

 

 

 

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THIS BOOK DIVES HEAD FIRST INTO THE DEPTH OF SCRIPTURE AND WILL CHALLENGE EVERY AREA OF YOUR MARRIAGE TO BE BETTER. Chan writes this with his wife, Lisa, as they explore the answer to how to have a great marriage. This book intersects with real life and deals honestly with the challenges of marriage.

 

 

 

 

 

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EVERY MAN SHOULD RUN AND PICK THIS BOOK UP AND READ IT AT LEAST ONCE A YEAR. It will revolutionize how the man sees his wife. It will teach you how to cherish your wife in the way God intended. Apply the thoughts in this book and your wife will thank you!

 

 

 

 

 

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BOUNDARIES ARE CRUCIAL FOR A HEALTHY MARRIAGE. Learn how to freely give yourself to your spouse as you are freed up from expectations and pressure. This book is a fresh breath of air into your marriage. It will challenge your approach and put you on the road to health and intimacy.

 

 

 

 

If you find these helpful please share with others. Read these and you will reap the benefits of their insight.

Dax