Children Need Godly Parents More Than Gifted Pastors

 

8Hear, my son, your father’s instruction,

and forsake not your mother’s teaching,

9for they are a graceful garland for your head

and pendants for your neck. Proverbs 1:8-9


The church must not replace the privilege of the Christian parent to be the primary voice of the gospel to their children. If this happens, as it so often does, it teaches the child to compartmentalize their faith, to be Chrisian at  church but something different at home or at school or in the ballgame. While this would never be a Christian parents desire, the message rings loud and clear to their child.

This is not to discount the importance of the pastor to students of all ages. He is vital to the kingdom and is set apart by God to make the gospel known to our kids. But never is it God’s intention that he would become the spiritual, surrogate parent for the children of the church. Instead of our children hearing the gospel only in church, pastors should be merely reinforcing a message already preached at home.

Here are a few things to consider in raising our children in the truth of the gospel:

1) Our children need to hear us pray.

Many of us pray with our children before a meal. This might be the only time our children here us prayer, a quick word asking God to bless the food. Often we have our kids pray at this time. We love to hear them pray. If this is the case they may never hear us pray. They must go to church to hear an adult pray. How much do our children need to hear us speak to the Father? How will they see God as someone worth knowing outside of the church walls if that is the only time they hear anyone talk to Him?

2) Let the word come alive in your home.

The Bible can’t be a book that is only opened in the church. Take it in the home. Let your kids see the word is important enough to be opened at home. Read it with them. Let them read it to you. Be creative. We used the Action Bible with our kids. They really like it and learn the stories of the Bible. If your children only hear their pastor open the word and delight in it, then it becomes a book for the church and not for their life. Teach them that the word is life. It is what guides us. It is worthy of our time and attention in the home.

3) Don’t let anything else take precedent over following God in your family

Compromise is the word of our day. Push the moral boundaries; do what feels good; holy living is for the radical. Parents put sports, school, and other activities above church. And let’s be honest here, above God. Christianity is good for our kids when it’s convenient. Is that what we want to teach them? No wonder so many are walking away from the church and God when they leave the home as a young adult. There is nothing of substance to hold on to. Parents we are preaching a message to our kids everyday. Question is what is that message? What are we telling them should be priority?

4) Take time to ask your kids what they are learning in church.

Reinforcing what their pastor is teaching them will go a long away in their Christian development. Ask them questions about the lesson. Offer insight. Encourage them. We challenge our children to answer questions in their classes. To ask the teachers questions.  We help them engage by talking of these things at home. We don’t want them to just punch a clock for their Sunday obligation. We want Sunday to be a part of their ongoing fellowship with God. It always starts at home.

5) Don’t teach your kids that living for themselves is their greatest calling.

Pastors will preach the gospel. They will teach children to deny themselves, live for others in the name of Christ. They will teach them to be like Jesus. That serving is real success. Parents please don’t teach another gospel to your kids. Don’t make it all about good grades, talent, and popularity. Don’t teach them a way contrary to what Jesus would have them know. If you do then you tell your children that church may be ok to attend but the message is not worth listening too. If you teach a false gospel of success and money and fame, then don’t be surprised when your kids follow it to their own demise.

A godly mother and father are more to a child than any gifted minister, with all resources and knowledge can ever bring. It is not too late to begin to teach your children that the most important thing in their lives is knowing Jesus. Don’t let them find Him in spite of you.

LEADERS PUT RELATIONSHIPS OVER TASKS PRINCIPLE #1

If you are a leader and you desire to grow in effectiveness, this post is written for you. It does not matter if you manage a department store, oversee a big company, serve as a pastor, elder, or deacon, or simply lead your family, the principles here are universal in their effectiveness.

What is needed to be a leader? Follower(s). To be a leader it is assumed that there is at least one person following you. A leader with no followers is either delusion or rejected. So we cannot lead unless people are following us. And that gets to the heart of what I want to write about: Since leadership is about leading people, then relating well to our people is essential.

Principle #1: Leaders put relationships over tasks.

Now for you doers, you with laminated To-Do lists who get fulfillment out of checking off tasks on the list, let me say from the beginning that I am not anti-tasks nor do i think leaders ignore tasks. Tasks are necessary to function as a leader. Scheduling has to happen along with planning of numerous details. Those things cannot be neglected in order to go hang out with the people. Some jobs call for more tasks than others. So do levels of leadership. The higher you are in an organization the more you probably delegate.

But surely you task-masters  agree with me that relationships will always be vital to being a leader. If we are not constantly engaging corporately and individually with people we influence then we will see that influence wain. Tasks alone are not enough to maintain influence. Relationships are organic and must constantly be nurtured in some form or they will slowly wither away.

Strong leaders prioritize well. They know when tasks have to be the focus and they follow through but relationships are always high on the priority list. We can never get to far away from being intentional to connect with those we influence.

So what are strategic ways leaders can connect with people without it usurping all their time. Here are some practical ways you can be present with your people while maintaining boundaries that allow you to do the other tasks vying for your attention.

What I am looking for here are low cost, high reward solutions. There will be times when greater investment is needed but these are the week to week ideas that will keep you week connected with those you lead. Here are just three of many that I find effective.

1. Stock up on postcards— I have found that sending three or four notes in the mail to people in my circle of influence is low cost, high reward. I try to be strategic with who I send them too. My context is leading a church. For me, it might be a note to someone who has been out for awhile due to illness. I might send one to a leader in our church, thanking them for believing in the vision and investing in our people. I might send another to a new member who is looking to get acclimated and could use a greater connection with me.

If you just sent three notes a week then you would have reached 156 people. Now think for a moment about the number of other people in your operation that those 156 influence. The influence of your note should benefit them as well, even if indirectly. It’s hard to measure the value of sending a personal note to people we lead. For me it is priceless.

2. Smile and Acknowledge— It is common for people to wonder just how their leader feels about them. In an organization with several people, many leaders have very little opportunity for one on one contact with most of their people. That is especially true for my setting, a large church. But there are ways to bridge the gap without killing yourself to connect with so many.

I’m going to let you in on a secret. You probably will accuse me of exaggerating the effectiveness of this but it’s so easy, you should try it to see for yourself. The secret is to train yourself (if this does not come naturally for you) to smile, make eye contact, and acknowledge people directly in passing. When you see them in the hall, in the break room, in their office, in the parking lot, outside of work; wherever you see them, make eye contact, smile, and acknowledge that they exist in your world. If you don’t know there name then address them generically. In passing you can say things like: Good to see you, nice shirt, great job yesterday, have a great day, etc…

I assure you that taking the time to look them in the eye (that is crucial by the way), smile at them (not in a scary or stalker kind of way), and address them will go further with them than you know. I see results  from this personally. There are members in my church that I do not get to connect with except in passing but because I take time to smile, look them in the eye, and acknowledge them, I know they are connecting with me on a personal level.

Now one thing I will caution you on. Sincerity is key. If you do not like your people and have venomous thoughts towards them, then this will not fly. People are smarter than that. They will call you out usually behind your back. You have to really care about them. If it comes from a sincere place than this is a powerful tool. And it comes at a very low cost to you with great reward.

3) Don’t Be Scared To Listen— There is little that gives our people more affirmation that they are vital than when we really listen to what they have to say. I am blessed to work with pastors that are extremely talented. While I have the final say on many decisions here, I have found that taking the time to listen to their opinion is extremely beneficial. When they are heard, it communicates to them that they are valuable. Plus it earns respect because the truth about most leaders is while they are in charge, they are not experts in everything. It’s pride and insecurity that keep a leader from allowing others to give input. Leaders gain respect when they listen to others advice. It shows  humility, while at the same time affirms that person’s value. Confident leaders do not fear being influenced.

I have given you three strategies I use in connecting with those I lead. I would challenge you to try them to see if they do not bolster your connection with those who follow you. The more our people are connected to us, the greater our influence will be.

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